THURSDAY, JANUARY THE 5TH 2012

Dear Diary,

it’s always been like this. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. when I wanna talk and share everything that I’ve been through, everything that I felt lately. there’s always something, someone that bother me to say it outloud.

I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being stupid. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of being me. I’m tired of being sick. I’m tired of all. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of being tired.

it kills me day by day that I have to pretend that I’m okay.
I wanna cry. I wanna cry as loudest as I can cos I’m not afraid to cry. no more.not anymore. :’D
it seems like a hundred of stones punching me into face. it seems like there’s always a burden that I can’t handle on by my own.
I need someone. I need someone who can always be there to hold me, who can always be there to protect me, to understand whatever I am, to say that everything’s gonna be okay even there’s nothing they can show me, to prove me if it is really really okay.
sometimes I just need someone who say they understand eventhough they really don’t.
sometimes I think I’m just selfish if I always think that I wanna be understood, and in facts I never really do understand about them. never ever.
sometimes I think a senteces or a word can make me feel better even they have to tell a lie.
I need someone who can stand beside me, all of the time. I need someone to hold me. I need someone to hug me.
it’s enough.

Baby, I wish you could knew how this feeling is struggling in my heart. I wish you could knew that I’m too scared of losing. I wish you could knew that I’m too weak to let go. I wish you could knew that I’m too fragile to hold on.
I realize. I’m just…. I’m nothing more than a piece of junk.
but you really had to know. I love you. that’s all…
I’m too scared, if I hold you too tight it’ll just make you go away.

I’m too scared if I always say and remind you how much I love you, it’ll just make you bored.

I’m scared if you see another girl, prettier, smarter than me. you’ll just leave me. :\

I’m scared if there’s another girl gave you things that I didn’t give to you.

Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you :|













Hey babe, this is me who is afraid so much of losing you ^^