Tuesday, 7th February 2012. 10:02pm "it happens twice"

is that really necessary ? I should've known from the very start. it was all just a perfect nightmare for me. and I wish I woke up and start a normal life without being hurt like this.
yes. I wish.
but somehow I just can't live and leave everything behind .I need this .Yeah , I need them .
I don't know where to start .
I should've never known this from the very start . I should've never asked so much . I should've kept my fucking mouth silent . I should've known this will hurt me so bad . well , really bad :"|
maybe it's probably also my fault that I've set my expectation too high on you. cos I'll be dissapointed in the end.
maybe I should've never trusted you so much .
I was wrong ......
you let me down once , and now you let me down for twice .
you did the same thing behind my back TWICE, and I was so stupid still trusted you so much .
I try to hold on but it hurts too much . I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay .
NO
I'M NOT OKAY. NOT AT ALL. BUT I HAVE TO AND I NEED TO.
I'm pretending that everything's okay.
and I realize what really makes the situation okay, their eyes. they still want me to smile eventhough they know there's something wrong with me .yeah .they know eventhough I say nothing .
the more I try to say everything's okay , the more they try to ask "WHAT'S WRONG?"
and then I'm like I'm like ............... I CAN'T HOLD THIS SHIT! I WANNA .... WANNA ..... CRY AS LOUD AS I CAN . I WANNA CRY IN FRONT OF YOU .
I DON'T CARE , I WANNA SAY EVERYTHING TO YOU . REALLY :"( I WANNA ASK YOU WHAT SHOULD I DO ? and then I realize , I don't have to .
I just need to be silent . I need time to be alone . I need time to think .




forget & forgive. that's the point.